I'm just not passionate about anything...
Do you ever feel like life is passing you by? Or you don't know who you are anymore?
Before I started my journey to discovering my true purpose in life I was a very anxious, stressed and generally unwell. I had very a negative mindset, which I often justified by saying I was a 'realist'. Oh and I was a worrier! Constantly thinking about worst case scenarios and filling my head with self doubt. Often choosing not to give something a go in case of failure or having to move beyond my comfort zone.
I can remember saying things like "I am just not passionate about anything in life". My thoughts, dreams and intentions back then were never really mine. I felt like I was on auto pilot and I was just doing what was expected of me by society and by those around me. I thought that I needed to do well at school, go to uni and get a degree, have a stable job, get married and have kids. It was as if there was nothing else, so I never let myself dream beyond this notion of success.
I was half-hearted and completely disconnected from who I was, what I wanted or what I stood for in life. And I found that life, as it does, continued to move on whether I was engaged or not. Some good things would happen, some bad things would happen. But overall I had this overwhelming feeling of deep unfulfillment. I had chosen to relinquish directorship of my life and was simply sitting in the passenger's seat taking no responsibility for what was occurring to me or around me. I was always justifying my self limiting beliefs and fears and actively choosing to become a passive observer in life.
So what changed?
Firstly, I met Ryan. The way we met made me believe in destiny and soul mates. I realised how I had been living in fear for so long and had pulled back from life. Now experiencing this incredible love I began to feel excited about life, become open to all that life has to offer and start to move forward with passion. I felt supported, believed in and challenged.
Then we experienced infertility. That shook me to my core because the path I deemed as successful was no longer as easily achievable or in my control any more. It woke me up from this unconscious way of living and made me stop and think what the hell am I doing. I felt like I was living someone else’s life. I became inspired to living healthier and also decided to start finding out what it was that I really wanted from life.
After that, I was diagnosed with Hashimotos (an autoimmune disease) due to extreme levels of stress caused by a combination of family issues and work place bullying. This shone light on a number of very unhealthy beliefs and behaviours that I had blindly integrated into my life. I started to become more conscious of my own decisions and beliefs and began to release the ones that no longer served or resonated with me. I was also able to openly acknowledge that the place I was working at was misaligned with my deep core values. So much so that my body was starting to turn on itself! I knew that to achieve true alignment I had to continue to wholeheartedly pursue my passion to empower other women to find health, meaning and fulfilment in their lives. But something kept holding me back.
It wasn't until I spent 21 days immersed in nature that I really and truly overcame those self limiting beliefs and fears that I was still carrying around. These weighed heavier upon me than my back pack! I knew after spending time reconnecting with myself on this hike that I needed to quit my unfulfilling job and back myself fearlessly to pursue my passion. I needed to unapologetically live in true alignment with what was within me and share my learnings and experiences with others.
Looking back on these experiences I realised that I could have continued down the same old unfulfilling path. But instead I had chosen to grow and learn. Each experience was and is an opportunity to find my true self and continue to better align myself with who I really am. I began caring for myself and embracing life from a place of love, rather than fear. I let go of beliefs and values that no longer served me. I started to overcome fears and self-limiting beliefs and decided to take real action and belief in myself. I reconnected to what matters to me and what I want to stand for and do in life. I ultimately found my passion for living!
I'd love to know
Have you felt disillusioned, unfulfilled and disconnected from what you are truly meant to be doing? Do you feel like life is moving and you are in the passenger's seat going for a ride?
Or have you found your passion and are living it every day? What helped you rediscover it? Did you go on a journey to get there?